mudhud - the blog.

the future belongs to the curious.

absolutely adore this.  take it in, swirl it around in your head.  then make stuff happen.

The Future Belongs to the Curious from Skillshare on Vimeo.

From the moment we open our eyes it fuels our existence. We are on a mission to remind everyone to never lose your sense of curiosity or wonder. Long live learning!

Join us! http://www.skillshare.com

Director: One Year Study - http://www.oneyearstudy.com

Creative Director: Thompson Harrell

DP: Pat Scola - http://patscola.com

Production Designer: Jen Dunlap - http://jendunlap.com

holiday recap & marching forward.

First off the typical bits - holy shit - how did 2011 go by so quickly?  What do I have to show for the year?

I leave the questions there.  Not that I'm slacking off and dodging the questions. Not that I'm fearful to say out loud that 2011 wasn't my favorite. Not that I'm ashamed to say some of life's best moments also occurred in 2011.  The lesson? The journey is a bumpy jerk sometimes - filled with glee and sorrow - filled with significant wins and painful losses.

Marching ahead...

I'd be remiss to not reflect on some of the moments that made the holiday transition of 2011 to 2012.It was a busy blur of work and leisure. The tides of holiday entertaining left all weekends booked and many nights with little extra time, but charged with friends, family and holiday planning and execution.

But my favorite moments were little ones.  An early gift from Kelly - yeah, just a computer game, but one that recognized my love of geekery.

From my mom - a package sent to me at work - including a santa card and a gift certificate from Best Buy with little USB LED lights.  It was a delicious treat - filling my heart with holiday joy and delighting me for the rest of the holiday as the LED lights danced around my computer.

But the real treat was in the card, which suggested this was the first of twelve days of Christmas!  And sure enough, eleven more days found their way to me.  Some at work, some at home, some at my PO Box.  All for me and all from my mom.  

A reminder that gifts don't have to be huge and expensive to be mighty and meaningful. Sometimes just a bit of time can make the holidays magic!

Now, let me say to the wind that this will carry into 2012 and light the journey to be a better human, in whatever way that might look like.

 

love letter to laura

I preface this sadly, with a note that I last saw Laura in 2002. I remember it so clearly - it was the day before I was to travel to Tokyo. I don't recall how we reconnected - but there she was in my little living room with her new little girl, Quinn.  I remember the visit so clearly because of the timing of the trip to Japan. I also rarely remember details of things like this - I remember feelings. 

I remember being so excited for Laura and her husband at the time, John. They were friends from high school and it felt so grown up that Laura was married and now had a kid. 

I remember enjoying my time with her and Quinn. And maybe I enjoyed it more than her. We seldom connected after that. There were a few unanswered emails and then, thanks to Facebook, a reconnection. We'd exchange pleasantries - a mutual enjoyment of World of Warcraft, the occasional 'poke' and comments on pictures as I watched her form a life with her new love, Jason, and the birth of their son Liam last year. 

But my heart stood still for a second when I saw a note on Facebook from our high school buddy, Marj, saying that Laura had died the day before on Aug. 15th. There are no words to describe the feeling of sadness. For her, for her kids, for Jason, for all who loved her and even for me. 

There are all of the cliches - how could I miss her this much, if I never took the time to make another visit happen or even a call or email? Then feeling a strong desire to go to her memorial - you can visit in death but not in life, eh?  And then of course, thinking that how could nine years have passed already since I saw her last?

So after stewing for a couple of days, I thought I'd write her a love letter. You see, I was blessed to have been in a group of friends in high school that didn't care about or question my sexuality. I didn't think I was gay back then, but I was naive and in hindsight, I probably had a little crush on Laura. I told her this during our visit back in 2002 and we both enjoyed the sweetness of something so  innocent. 

So this is my love letter to Laura...

Dear Laura -

It's too late for me to say this to you or even to write this to you. My heart is full of ache knowing that you no longer breathe the same air that I do. That any of us do. 

I don't know what happened. I don't even know how you've been. The omnipresent piece of magical code that is Facebook makes me think you've been happy. Finding a happy match in Jason and watching Liam grow from a newborn to a little guy. 

No matter where you've gone now, I just wanted to say thank you. I loved you as a friend and while I'm sure you knew that, I wanted to say it. 

I remember connecting with you - thinking that we were fast friends. I remember summer time with you and our mutual friends, hanging out at your house. Hanging out at mine.  Making mix tapes of favorites songs and sharing many laughs, hopes and dreams.

I look at you back in that time and find you to be a hero in my life - kind, sweet, funny - all the things you want to have in a friend.  It's not until later in life that you realize how precious good friends are and I am so thankful I have the memories of you.

I also thank you for making me realize how all of my high school friends are such a huge and happy memory in my life.  I know none of them today, but with all of the memories coming forward because of your passing, it's like a gift.  I listen to so many folks talk about how they hated high school and I very well could have too - especially if I would've been teased about my sexuality.  But I had none of that to worry about.  I adore the people from my past and I adore you.

You will be missed in a way I can hardly begin to describe.  You are a bright light in my past - a happy glow of memories.  I will hold on to that as I move forward with life.  it seems so odd to have to keep going and leave you behind.  You will be with me and I thank you for making my life a little bit better everyday.

Your beauty was always there.  Your smile still burns sweetly.  Goodbye, my friend.

2 of 7.

summer is winding down - fall starts on Friday.  the heat is still here - even more than during the summer.

somwhere there is a glimmer of what can be. and then there is my poem for the day...

 

let me surprise you sometimes

step into the idea of what can become

leap into the arms i can provide

a touch means more than who it's from

let me surprise you sometimes

 

you don't expect much,  maybe that's why

you fracture my sense of what i know

then incorrectly assume i just don't try 

let me surprise you sometimes

 

the thoughts in your head are bold and wild

and maybe they scare me just a simple bit

the rhythm of your soul resonates like a child

let me surprise you sometimes

 

give me a chance, a chance to surprise

in the undertow of your deep blue eyes

just, i mean, really, just

let me surprise you sometimes

 

 

spooning.

got a chance to check out the spoon bar in healdsburg a couple of weekends ago and then was back there this last Sunday.

they have a rather compelling spoon water feature and it's a delight to stand a watch.  kinda felt a regular still shot didn't do it justice, so busted a quick movie out.  fun no matter what!

more fun in a movie:

 

doggerel.

Learned a new term today - doggerel verse - and heard it on KQED Forum about the amusing writings of Calvin Trillin.  This was a new writer to me and I look forward to exploring his works.

Was feeling doggerel myself today, so here you go:

i laugh in the face of my weakness

though chuckling at what i've become

i then celebrate my uniqueness 

feverishly yelling 'i will not succumb'.

well - i'll work on it, but every adventure needs to start somewhere!

 

1 of 7

I don't do this well.  You know - the whole follow through on personal goals like updating this blog.

That's not to mean it can't be done - just needs some disipline and practice.

So, I start again, as it seems one has to constantly start to get to the right path.  Chipping away at what is, to be in search of what can become.  Time has taught me it's more about chipping away than it is about big passinate gestures.

Today is one of seven - a search for just seven days of writing/posting consistency.  If I don't do it just for myself, what is there to do it for?

trapped inside my head.

I was hanging out tonight with my lovely friends (and roommates) and as usual, when we're not glued to playing WoW and/or watching Bones, we have some amazing conversations.  Tonight was no different - from the dynamics of dog play to coding in Objective C vs. PHP, there was no shortage of brain fodder.  I adore engaging my brain and love that this generally happens around my roomies.

I haven't been around them as much in the last few months and this week of dog sitting has broken my usual routine into a thousand little pieces.  As much as that has been odd, it's a good reminder that there are many things in life to love and they all need nurturing.  And while I miss some of my routine, there are other pieces I'm not missing this week.

As the evening was winding down, I was causal flicking through Facebook and caught a post about Roger Ebert.  He had recently presented at a TED conference and the FaceBook posted commented on how inspirational his 'speech' was.  I've enjoyed Roger Ebert's prolific presence on the web for the last couple of years - he's all over Twitter, FaceBook and a ton of other websites.  I enjoy his wit and politics and his amazing candor around his fight with cancer.

With a few clicks, we had the talk up and it was simply a joy to watch.

While I figuratively get trapped in my head, oh, about every other minute, Roger talked about it literally; around not having a voice anymore.  It was amazing to hear, in his own words, what the internet and social media have meant to him.  Seems like folks are constantly wondering why social media matters and yeah, sure, I conceed, there are lots of uses for social media that don't 'matter.' But there are so many reasons it does.  Roger's experience is one.

This was another one...

See the details behind the virtual choir here.  Remarkably stunning.

All in all, it was a lovely evening, with lovely folks and a reminder that the quest to find ways to let out the 'stuff' in my mind is a noble cause, albeit one filled with plenty of potholes and dramatic detours.  At least I'm not the only one trying to do it.  Now, just need to keep on cruising...

 

pics around austin.

Had a quick trip out to Austin last weekend for work.  It was the end of SXSW and I was hoping to get out for some picture taking.  I didn't see much related to SXSW - though it officially ended on Sunday, the big finale night was Saturday and that was the day I traveled.  

I had a little time on Sunday to roam around a small part of downtown Austin - mostly around 6th & Congress.

While it's not a lot, it's still pretty fun.  One of these days I will actually experience SXSW and being in Austin for fun and not just work!

Check out pics here.

This closes two weeks with no high-fructose, big name soda in my stomach. Not sure why it feels easy this time. Well, probably because I still let myself drink the all natural, pure sugar sodas. But, those are still hard to come by. Interesting to see how my habits change by not indulging in my desires - especially during late afternoon snacky time.

Just want to grab some chips and a soda. Not because I'm hungry or thirsty - more because I'm tired or stuck on some work issue. This food stuff is fascinating.

I hope this is just a start - becoming aware and then finding a way to change.